yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
