Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We left the knife in your bed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
