i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
