I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
