Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
