You're a womanizer and a bitch.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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