I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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