So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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