I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
