We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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