My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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