But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
