I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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