im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
