All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
