if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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