Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Bring me that man meat
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
