Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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