When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize