you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
