Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
