yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
