I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
