I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
