K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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