That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
