Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
