saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
