last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
