Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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