waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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