1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
