Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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