I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
