my shit smells like andre
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
