I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
