She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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