I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
