I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
