I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
