Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
