Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
