I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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