i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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