She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
