Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
