It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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