If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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