glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
