Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
how drunk are you?
Several
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
