Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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