my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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