He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
