So drunk its hurt
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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