check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
