I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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