i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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