I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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