Are we in a gay sports bar?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
