this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
