dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drunk is not a location!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
