no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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