Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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