I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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