It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
