thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
