ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
