I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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