I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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