Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
