john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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